I debated whether to put this out or not
but decided hey let’s go with it..
Mainly because I think it’s useful.
There is a lot of stuff going down in the world right now, and that means social media.
Racism is at the forefront, which is completely understandable. Previously it was Covid, Brexit, Mental Health and the environment..
All these things are undoubtedly important – They also come with a lot of emotional charge.
People want CHANGE. I get that for sure.
Social Media will play its part as well – after all its where people share their views and there are lots of passion on both sides of the fence.
Of course you may argue there shouldn’t be another side of the fence. But hey if there wasn’t we wouldn’t be looking for change would we.
Now I’m no expert in any of those causes really…
I do however know a lot about change. Our Unbreakable programs are recognised for that. We are considered experts by a huge amount of people and hundreds each year come to us for exactly that.
And so here is what I know about change.
Change ultimately requires us to change someones beliefs.
Doesn’t matter what the end result we want is, beliefs need to be changed, upgraded etc.
Now the stronger the emotion around the belief the more people cling to it… the harder it is to change.
So one fatal error to make is to get more and more energy around a belief we want to change.
And so here are some things I know don’t work.
Never create an us vs them scenario – Ultimately you want people to of changed sides – So making it you vs them will result in heels being dug in.
Never go in attacking – When people feel attacked. They defend their position.
At this point no matter how valid your cause or logical you think it may be, the conversation is done as people cling harder to their beliefs and will attach more energy to it.
Which brings me to Logic and stats.
You will fail a huge amount of the time using logic to break a lot of beliefs – Because it’s the emotion that’s driving them.
Logic in my experience falls on deaf ears. Beliefs are rarely logical at all. Just think of some of the things you believe about yourself.
So
Playing the more educated card, coming across condescending, like you are superior in your views, that’s not going to work either.
At this point people can close up and go in to that survival mode where now they are more emotionally charged than ever about their point of view..
At this point you can’t go in harder (that’s a rookie mistake).
Push harder and you push people further down that rabbit hole.
All of these things just create more energy around the things we want to get people to let go of.
It simply doesn’t matter how passionate you are. How ‘right’ you are, making change is a skill.
So basically….
Zero change happens from a place where you are being told what to see and how wrong you are.
Change however always occurs when we see it for
ourselves.
Until then.
Our energy is wasted.
Our impact is minimal.
Your care is admiral.
Your cause is incredible.
Your method Isn’t.
Caring is one thing. Knowing how to make change happen is another.
My fb feed = full of care, terrible application.. minimal results – massive energy wasted…
Both sides of the fence wanting their view to he heard and breaking all those rules.
What you know, think you know, or want to get across is pointless unless you know how to help others come to that conclusion for themselves.
Which is why for me when I see posts like the following.
‘If you don’t do anything you are part of the problem’
I understand the point. If you tolerate things you shouldn’t and turn a blind eye yes of course.
But also – If we want CHANGE then a huge part of that not happening is that a lot of people shouldn’t say anything until they can say it well…
Be it racism, environment, mental health, corona, politics.
Because they do it so badly it not only stops people changing their beliefs, behaviours and so on. It strengthens them.
So when it comes to social media and all the arguing that goes on on here, all the point proving and heated debate. Its it useful? Is it helping. I don’t think it is.
What we say is important.
How we say it even more so.
